Have you ever heard someone say something took place in their life and they aint been the same since? or Everything changed for them after “that” took place? Now, before I experienced that feeling myself, I could never understand that fully. But like everything in life, you truly never know what something feels like or what someone is going through until you’ve experience just that. You can only imagine.
If you’re dealing with depression, struggle with depression, or ever experienced being depressed… this is for you.
For the past two years I have been struggling trying to get back to myself after my experience of “that” happened! Like my ENTIRE world changed, I changed and I honestly did not know who I was anymore, at all to be honest. I can honestly say it was one of the scariest things I’ve experienced by far. It was like I was constantly loosing myself… like just steady drowning.. trying to come up for air but I didn’t have the strength to do so. The worse thing of it all was my spirit changed. I couldn’t recognize myself anymore.. I remember laying in the bed scrolling through old pictures of myself and the tears just came rolling down my face. What I saw was a happy woman, but when I looked in the mirror, she wasn’t there anymore. I had so much hate in my heart, I was bitter, I was angry, I had rage out this world omg I had rage lol!!! I was questioning God just about everyday, all through out the day, if I’m being honest. I just couldn’t understand WHY “that” happened. Am I being punished? Where do I even go from here? My God! Have yall ever been in a place of pure brokenness ? Not knowing which way to turn, or look? God said he will never leave us nor forsaken us! In those moments we have to trust and believe that that this Too shall pass! Praise Him despite your anger, praise Him despite your frustration, praise Him despite your confusion! God wants us to be honest and REAL with him, & trust me I was HONEST ,lol ! God can not heal us where we pretend to be! I have learned that He orchestrates EVERY SINGLE detail of our lives for our better good !
Now that I have come to a place where I refuse to dry out. I refuse to be a withered flower. I have been pouring into myself like never before where I questioned did I ever really love myself prior? But different seasons require different planting! That includes self reflecting, the good AND the bad! Setting and Enforcing boundaries ! ( yall know we skip over that part lol, the enforcing cause lets be honest that is the hardest part) Everything in my life and coming my way has to align with who I am and who I’m becoming. Pour into yourself daily NO MATTER what that looks like! Some days it may just be getting out of bed and that is okay. Only you know how to pour into you. As often times you may come as off selfish to others, but the question really is how can you be any good for those around you IF you don’t pour into yourself ? By people taking care of themselves platonic & romantic relationships will be healthier.
Reflection:
How are you fertilizing your garden daily and how can you improve?
What seeds are you planting?
What needs to be uprooted form your garden so your seeds can flourish?
How can you pour into others better?
In what ways is your garden affecting how you pour into others?
Undressed BLOG 