Self-Control

“That is my greatest fear. That if, if I lost control or did not have control, things would just, you know, I would be… fatal”

Sometimes in life you get caught up in different situations (drugs, alcohol, sex, work, unhealthy relationships, etc.) different people, and you fall, you fall deep, and sometimes too deep. As many young women, I’ve yearned for acceptance. I wanted to be “liked” and accepted, I never wanted to let people down. Over the years I’ve learned that I am a people pleaser, that’s my greatest gift and my biggest curse. I find myself in a lot of situations where I put others before myself all the time. I have even lost myself yearning for acceptance, wanting that “love”. Still to this day I wonder why I yearned for love when I had love all around me, family, friends, and others. But that’s never enough, right? The love from others that really matter doesn’t count when you want that love, that acceptance from your significant other. I was fourteen, young and didn’t know any better when I fell in love. No one and nothing could stop me from loving him. My world revolved around my relationship and him (by choice, let me make that clear). Every decision I made and thought about, I centered it around my relationship, even hanging out with my girls (they could tell you). After many arguments, and break ups I lost myself completely. There were nights I looked in the mirror and I didn’t recognize myself. All I saw was weakness, and it would just piss me off. To everyone around me I was strong, I gave everyone advice, I love helping and empowering people and here I am crying behind a man breaking up with me, not choosing me (again, wanting acceptance). “You know I need too much attention for shit like that. You know you wrong for shit like that” (Supermodel Lyrics by SZA). I wanted to look at myself in the mirror and know that I am strong, but didn’t believe I was strong. Break up, after break up I began to drown in my own tears of heartache and believing a man validates me. Until one day I became tired, tired of crying, tired of feeling weak, tired of just being tired. I took control over my emotions and gained my power back. Never allow someone or something to have control over you where you lose yourself completely. Never allow this world or society to have control over you. Learning to have self-control can be tough, but I promise baby girl, you will learn and time heals everything.

Statistics show that there are 21.5 million African American men (my preference) in the United States of America… don’t lose yourself over one sis!